A client (we’ll call him Jason) recently came to me for counseling prior to a negotiation between him and his business partner. Jason and his partner have been friends for 20 years, but they have only recently gone into business together.
Jason had a list of concerns and steps that he wanted to see taken. He’s written an entire script to present to his partner about what “needs to happen next.” Upon hearing Jason’s list, the first question I asked him, which anyone should ask themselves before beginning negotiation: Is this going to be a negotiation or a domination?
In other words, is this a subordinate to whom you plan to TELL the way it is, or is this a partner whom you want to support and be supported by? Jason’s answer was that this is a partner. Subsequently, my argument was that Jason was approaching what we would call a principled negotiation with the other party contrarily as a domination with a subordinate.
What Is Principled Negotiation? A Comprehensive Definition
Principled negotiation is an essential skill for leaders aiming to effectively manage and resolve conflicts across various domains, from corporate dealings to internal team disputes. This approach, often characterized as achieving a “win-win” outcome, emphasizes negotiating an agreement that is beneficial for all parties involved.
According to the Harvard Negotiation Project, principled negotiation is an interest-based approach that prioritizes conflict management and resolution, steering clear of the traditional “win-lose” mentality associated with positional bargaining. Focusing on the interests rather than the positions of the parties, encourages negotiators to explore mutually beneficial solutions that satisfy the expectations of everyone involved.
Principled negotiation advocates for methods that produce wise outcomes efficiently and cooperatively. While some critics argue that the principles may seem idealistic, this method remains highly regarded among mediators and leaders for its effectiveness in fostering productive and efficient negotiations.
Unlike positional bargaining, which often leads to hostility and ineffective outcomes due to its confrontational nature, principled negotiation helps avoid ego-driven disputes and stubbornness, making it a preferred choice for sustaining long-term relationships and achieving consensus.
How Principled Negotiation Works: Step-by-Step
Principled negotiation is a structured approach that transforms typical conflict scenarios into opportunities for mutual gain. Here’s a step-by-step explanation of the elements of principled negotiation.
Step 1: Separate Emotional Dynamics From Substantive Issues
Emotions often intertwine with the actual issues at hand, complicating negotiations further. Principled negotiation requires negotiators to address emotional and personality issues distinctly from the substantive issues. This might involve active listening and other communication techniques to understand and respect the concerns of the parties involved rather than focusing on winning.
Step 2: Prioritize Understanding Interests Over Defending Positions
Traditional negotiations can get bogged down by each party sticking to their initial positions. Principled negotiation shifts the focus to the underlying interests—the needs, desires, and motivations that are driving their positions.
Step 3: Develop Options That Offer Mutual Benefits
Instead of settling for the first acceptable solution, principled negotiation skills explore a variety of options that could satisfy all parties involved. This might include brainstorming multiple scenarios where both parties’ interests are met through creative and flexible solutions.
Step 4: Use Objective Criteria for Decision Making
To avoid endless debates over subjective opinions, principled negotiation relies on objective criteria. Objective criteria can be market value, expert opinions, or legal standards. Agreeing on a fair and independent standard at the beginning of the negotiation helps resolve disputes more efficiently and equitably, ensuring that the mutually shared outcome is based on objective criteria rather than personal biases.
Examples of Principled Negotiation
Principled negotiation can be applied in various contexts, from business to personal relationships. Here are three illustrative examples:
Corporate Merger Negotiations
In a corporate merger between two technology companies, negotiators from both sides used principled negotiation to address concerns about cultural integration and resource allocation. They focused on shared interests, such as market expansion and technological innovation, rather than positions on specific terms. Through a series of workshops, they identified mutual gains like combined R&D teams and shared patents, which facilitated a merger that capitalized on the strengths of both companies, leading to a successful partnership.
Community Land Use Dispute
A city council and a local community group disagreed over the development of a new park. Using principled negotiation, they shifted the discussion from a win-lose debate over land use to a focus on shared interests in community wellness and environmental sustainability. They collaborated to design a park that included community gardens and play areas, which addressed the group’s concerns about green space and the city’s interest in recreational facilities. This approach allowed them to find a common-ground solution that benefited the entire community.
Employment Contract Renewal
During the contract negotiations for an executive’s renewal with her employer, the initial discussions were stalled over salary and benefits. By employing principled negotiation, both parties examined underlying interests such as job satisfaction, career growth, and company profitability. This approach allowed them to move beyond their initial positions and focus on mutual interests. They ultimately agreed on a package that included performance-based bonuses, additional professional development opportunities, and flexible work hours, which aligned with the executive’s career goals and the company’s objectives to retain top talent.
Applying Principled Negotiation to Conflict Resolution
Generally, there are three types of broad strategies when it comes to dealing with conflict. The first is submission. The second is domination. And the third is conflict resolution, with negotiation being one of several strategies falling under this latter category. After getting clear that Jason wanted to approach the other party as a partner—not simply as a subordinate ready to take orders—I offered three core principles to keep in mind during the negotiation:
1) Show him that you care by listening to him first.
Set aside the script when the interactive negotiation begins. Don’t begin by talking about yourself, explaining your position, or telling him the way it is. Instead, ask your partner what is happening for him and what he’s feeling and perceiving. This way, he knows you actually care, AND you understand where he’s actually coming from, not where you assume or preconceive his position and interests to be. Listen with focus and empathy.
Stay open-minded to his concerns. While listening to him, do not try to defend yourself or explain yourself, and do not go into judgments about who is right or wrong or what is good or bad. Just stay open to hearing him and any potential solutions he presents. Remember the adage: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
2) Express to him where you are at.
Tell him what you are feeling and needing and what your underlying concerns are. Make it all about YOU, not about him. Do not place any judgments about who is right or wrong. You can cite specific behaviors you notice from him and tell him how they make you feel. However, do not judge the behaviors as being right or wrong.
3) Present actionable solutions without judgment.
After showing him you care and telling him where you’re at, offer some actionable solutions. Remember that if you are negotiating, you are not telling him that you are right and he’s wrong, and you’re not telling him what is what or what is going to happen. You’re simply offering solutions and/or requests and asking if he’s willing to participate.
The solutions should imply no judgment about who was wrong or right, and they should be very explicit about behaviors going forward rather than abstract. For instance, instead of asking him to be a “better partner,” you would give him specific behaviors that you are requesting, which will lead you to feel that he is a better partner (e.g., “If you call me once a day to check in, I would really feel supported by you.”).
Negotiation is often a tricky endeavor because you’re not just dealing with people’s positions but rather people’s core underlying needs and feelings. Principled negotiation, especially wherein the parties actually care about the relationship, requires an open mind and heart from both parties. This goes for intimate partners, family, and good friends, as well as business partners.
Often, we have trouble getting past emotionally charged roadblocks in communication, so it always helps to have a third-party mediator or facilitator during a negotiation, if possible, or even a negotiation coach like Jason had in me. But if nothing else, keep these three points in mind, and you’ll be ahead of the game next time you negotiate with someone you actually care about.
